When you face loss. (1928-2013)

Losing a loved one can be incredibly difficult. And it is unfortunately something that we all have to face at some point in our life. For me, that first person that I lost was my grandmother. (This blog will be a bit different from the rest that I have done. However, I still would like to share this story.)

My grandmother was such a wonderful woman! I didn’t quite understand who she was exactly until after she had passed away. She was kind, generous, humble, funny, wise and everything that you would imagine a truly devoted follower of Christ to look like. She would fall asleep every single night holding and reading her Bible. She would pray all the time for everyone, not just those that she loved,but even those that she might not care for so much. She was a walking, talking, breathing example of Jesus.

Five years ago yesterday my grandmother passed away in her sleep. It was super hard then to understand the news. But to be honest, the older I get the harder it becomes at times. When she passed away it was hard because I had never truly understood what it meant to lose someone. I was sad because my grandmother had passed away but I didn’t fully understand what was to come with her passing. I felt anger, fear, depression, confusion, but that was just the flesh part of me. But for her I felt joy and happiness, because she was finally home with Jesus. The place that she would talk about often with such excitement.

While she was still here on earth I loved her so much, and I still do. But I didn’t quite appreciate her as much as I should have. I didn’t take in the wisdom that she would often speak to me and the rest of my family. I loved her, but there were times I just didn’t understand her. How could someone love Jesus so much? I was so confused! I believed in Jesus at the time but didn’t have a full relationship with him. I went to church but didn’t walk with him.

Sometimes we don’t appreciate who we have in our lives until they are gone. After she passed away and I had gone through all of the stages of grief I began to really understand who she was as a person. I began to understand just how kind her sweet soul was. I prayed to God every single day for me to be able to get through her passing. And He did so by helping to really understand her. Now that I know who she was it makes me so happy to have had her in my life for as long as I did. Because of my grandmother I now understand what it looks like to walk with Christ. 

She has helped to shape me into the Christ follower that I am and want to continue to strengthen. Because of her kind words and examples I feel as though I can now understand that joy that she felt and would talk about daily. That same joy that she loved telling others about! I am who I am because of her. I love you grandma!