Why Bug Talks?

Many of you may be asking yourself, why Bug Talks? Why the name? Why the blogs? What do these blogs mean to you? Well if this is what you were wondering about here is all of the explanation that you need to know. All of the most important people in my life call me Bug. It has been my nickname for as long as I can remember. When my precious nephew says, “I love you Bug”, the world is okay in those moments. Because it is the precious love of a child. And this is the same type of love that God has called us to have!  (Matthew 18:3)

So, to answer the next question of why the blogs, it is because I want God to use me and use His words through me to try and help people as much as possible. For those of you that know me well know that I’ve never had a huge problem with opening up. I do this because I feel as though I have nothing to hide. That whatever has happened in my life has happened because God wants me to use it for His glory. I feel like with these blog posts I will be able to let God use me more easily and hopefully reach people through each word that is written on this page.

However, there are certain things that I have left private, not out of shame or embarrassment, but because I felt as though God wasn’t quite ready for me to share those things with others. I truly feel, as stated before, that certain things happen to us because God wants to use it! There are no coincidences with God, it is all in His perfect timing.

These blogs mean that I get to tell others about my good times and my bad times and how God has used each and every one of those moments for me to get closer to Him. I will go ahead and admit how there were times that getting closer to God wasn’t something that I was really wanting to do. It definitely took me some time to realize that it was what I was truly needing. I pray that these words will reach people. That perhaps someone has gone through something similar and God wants them to hear these words to come back home.

So to answer your question on why Bug Talks, it is because God has called me to it.

Celebrating a Childless Mother’s Day

Mother’s Day is such an amazing day for us to honor our mothers! But for some of us this day may seem to bring more tears than laughter and smiles. I know that for some those tears come because you lost your mother. But for others, those tears come because we are unable to become mothers. Some of those tears come because we have lost a child.

These types of losses can often be incredibly hard to understand. I can’t speak from personal experience of the first example, however, I can with the last two. Finding out that becoming a mother may never be a possibility for me has always been incredibly difficult. But when you finally become pregnant and then lose that baby, you feel as though your heart may never feel full again. Especially when that same thing happens a second time. And even though certain days are tough there is one thing that will always help me to get through, knowing that God is still in total control.

Although at first there were many times when I doubted and questioned God’s love, grace, goodness, and kindness. I couldn’t quite seem to understand how a God that claimed to be so loving and caring would let my baby die. I was so angry! No matter how many times I tried to pray my heart just wasn’t in it. I couldn’t pray to a God that would allow such hurt to come over me and my husband. Months and months went by and I still had absolutely no desire to talk to God. I didn’t want to tell God my hearts desires when He knew them and took them away. How do you allow yourself to want a relationship with someone who could hurt you so deeply?

These questions and thoughts would often seem to race through my mind. It was not very often that I wouldn’t be angry. And even though I would often ask myself these things and would continue to be angry, I knew the answer to every single doubt and question that I had. These things happened because I am so loved. God did those things because He had things planned for me that I didn’t yet understand. God knew that I would be a changed person because of this. That my husband would be a changed person because of this.

Even though everything was hard last year, we are closer to God now because of what He put us through. In times like what my husband and I went through is when we need to cling closer to God, not turn away from Him. I learned this the hard way. Even though I knew this in my heart I had absolutely no desire to believe it. To be totally honest there are times I still struggle and still hurt and wonder why! But then I realize that I am still so loved, so blessed, and that God’s grace is there for me whenever I want to accept it. 

I also realized that I was so angry at God because how could He possibly understand what I was going through? He did. He lost His son too. God did know exactly how I felt. He knew the hurt and pain that came with losing a child. And even though He did lose His child, He is still the loving God that I am so happy to have a relationship with. Even though Jesus did die on that cross he rose again and we can have so much comfort in knowing that! And in knowing that I have the comfort in knowing that I will again see my children. Until that day they will stay in the loving arms of the father.

So on this Mother’s Day as difficult as it may be for those who have experienced a loss, remember that clinging close to God will always give you the comfort that you need. Because we are so very loved by Him.