We all have a dream job. There are careers that we wish we could do for the rest of our lives. Ever since I was in the 10th grade, I knew I wanted to become an FBI agent and become a criminal profiler. Growing up I knew I wanted to do something that made a difference, I just wasn’t quite sure what I wanted. Becoming a police officer often crossed my mind being that I come from a family of cops. But I still wasn’t sure until I had my first ever psychology class in the 10th grade and I fell in love with the way that our brains work. That is what I wanted to do!
For the next several years I planned out every single step that I needed to take in order to become a profiler. How many years of college I needed to take, what internship I would need, what job, where to live and how to train my body.
After graduating from high school I felt as though I needed to take at least a year off from school to better prepare myself for my future career as an agent. Little did I know that during that year my life would change completely.
During that year I began to pass out and seizure and would be in constant pain. My family and I had no idea what was going on. I had never experienced anything like that in my life.
I kept going to the hospital and I was just always told that it was all in my head, that there was nothing wrong with me. But there was. I was diagnosed with endometriosis a few months later. For those of you that don’t know what this is it is when the cells in your uterus start growing on other places. You basically always have internal bleeding. This disease can cause infertility, weight gain, chronic fatigue, fainting, seizures and so much more.
After finding this out and finding out that it would only get worse, because there is no cure, I knew that my chances of becoming an agent were gone. God had so much more planned for me than I knew about.
After realizing that becoming an agent was no longer a reality I began to ask God what it was that He wanted me to do. I had to give Him all of the control. Because it is not about us in this life, it’s about doing what we can to help build up God’s kingdom. What can we do to worship God daily? What can we do to make sure that His name is known nation to nation? This is what I began asking myself. This is what I began to ask God.
I’m not going to sit here and pretend and act like it was the easiest decision because it wasn’t. I would constantly be pushing myself to exercise or not take as much medication so that I would tell my body what I wanted it to do. I was trying to be the one in total control over my body and my life. I didn’t want some disease telling me what I was and wasn’t going to do. This was my plan and I was going to make it happen no matter what.
I was selfish. It wasn’t my disease telling me what I was and wasn’t going to do. It was God. I just kept ignoring Him because I refused to come to terms with His plan because it didn’t fit into mine.
Everyone’s story is different, but for me, what you’re reading, blog posts are what it is that He wants me to do. I realize that to some of you that might sound really crazy. But to me I feel as though I can tell my story and have God speak through me to talk to others. We have all heard the saying that, “The internet is forever”. Once it’s out there, it’s out there. So rather it is 5 days from now or 5 years from now, maybe one day someone will read one of these blogs and realize just how much God loves them. That even though you wanted to do one thing with your life but that dream got taken away doesn’t mean that you are still not meant to do so many incredible things.
I had to realize my idea of a perfect life and career was exactly that, my idea. Not God’s. We can plan and prepare ourselves all we want to, but unless we are giving God that full control, things just might change. So step out of God’s way and let Him take over. It’s time we built up His kingdom and not ours!
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