Mother’s Day is such an amazing day for us to honor our mothers! But for some of us this day may seem to bring more tears than laughter and smiles. I know that for some those tears come because you lost your mother. But for others, those tears come because we are unable to become mothers. Some of those tears come because we have lost a child.
These types of losses can often be incredibly hard to understand. I can’t speak from personal experience of the first example, however, I can with the last two. Finding out that becoming a mother may never be a possibility for me has always been incredibly difficult. But when you finally become pregnant and then lose that baby, you feel as though your heart may never feel full again. Especially when that same thing happens a second time. And even though certain days are tough there is one thing that will always help me to get through, knowing that God is still in total control.
Although at first there were many times when I doubted and questioned God’s love, grace, goodness, and kindness. I couldn’t quite seem to understand how a God that claimed to be so loving and caring would let my baby die. I was so angry! No matter how many times I tried to pray my heart just wasn’t in it. I couldn’t pray to a God that would allow such hurt to come over me and my husband. Months and months went by and I still had absolutely no desire to talk to God. I didn’t want to tell God my hearts desires when He knew them and took them away. How do you allow yourself to want a relationship with someone who could hurt you so deeply?
These questions and thoughts would often seem to race through my mind. It was not very often that I wouldn’t be angry. And even though I would often ask myself these things and would continue to be angry, I knew the answer to every single doubt and question that I had. These things happened because I am so loved. God did those things because He had things planned for me that I didn’t yet understand. God knew that I would be a changed person because of this. That my husband would be a changed person because of this.
Even though everything was hard last year, we are closer to God now because of what He put us through. In times like what my husband and I went through is when we need to cling closer to God, not turn away from Him. I learned this the hard way. Even though I knew this in my heart I had absolutely no desire to believe it. To be totally honest there are times I still struggle and still hurt and wonder why! But then I realize that I am still so loved, so blessed, and that God’s grace is there for me whenever I want to accept it.
I also realized that I was so angry at God because how could He possibly understand what I was going through? He did. He lost His son too. God did know exactly how I felt. He knew the hurt and pain that came with losing a child. And even though He did lose His child, He is still the loving God that I am so happy to have a relationship with. Even though Jesus did die on that cross he rose again and we can have so much comfort in knowing that! And in knowing that I have the comfort in knowing that I will again see my children. Until that day they will stay in the loving arms of the father.
So on this Mother’s Day as difficult as it may be for those who have experienced a loss, remember that clinging close to God will always give you the comfort that you need. Because we are so very loved by Him.
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